Today I saw a picture of an 87 year old mother. She had the sweetest of eyes and this mischievous grin. And even though the picture portrayed her as frail and taken by old age, I could still see the young girl inside her. It was as if for a moment, I caught a glimpse of her dreams and passions of a younger time.
I wondered what her story was. Did she ever go running through fields of flowers, and have tea parties? Who was her first crush and what was it like to finally catch his attention? What did she used to want to be when she grew up? Did her dreams come to life?
I thought from my context of having a beautiful and wonderful mother. I grew up in a safe home, and I’m still very close to my mom to this day. While she will always be my mom, how radically did her life change when she had me, her firstborn? What was she like when she was my age?
It’s striking me as I write this that I know much of my parents from when I was born, but not much of before. There are stories I’ve never heard.
Part of me thinks that we never really grow up inside. There is still a whimsical child who is captured in awe of their surroundings. I want to go back to that time. It’s hard to watch parents get older. I don’t want to get married and “grow old together”. I think that is too much pain for my heart to bear.
But I know that it will happen, and all to soon. I guess what I’m trying to say is… embrace the process. Our stories are being written and let’s never forget where each other came from.
Oh how we are loved.
The more I think about it, the more I agree with the idea of forgiving ones self. Of course God forgives and only the purest forgiveness can be found in him, but we, like God, also have the capacity to forgive. Forgiving ourselves and whether or not that is theologically correct is a surface debate at best. It’s addressing the issue with improper verbiage.
If God forgives you, it’s done. In fact, if you’ve already asked for forgiveness and entered into his Kingdom, all your sins have been forgiven past present and future. He’s forgiven your sin NATURE. He’s forgiven who you are! Not just what you’ve done. He’s began to make you someone NEW and BETTER.
But if you “can’t forgive yourself” you are really holding the point that you haven’t fully received his forgiveness. Why? Because you are not completely at home or aware of the love and grace of God. Because there are times we just don’t think we deserve his love, or believe that he can still love us to the extent we’ve heard about or at one time experienced.
Once you realize the power and extent of God’s love and grace… As best as a human can… You can’t help but replace regret and self loathing with joy and excitement. And that will flow into your own forgiving of other people. If you can’t forgive yourself you can’t truly forgive others. You are simply letting them off the hook. Overlooking. And you aren’t unable to enter into true forgiveness.
Forgiveness is washing the feet of your enemies. Forgiveness is taking your bloody wrists and helping wrap the wounds of your assailant. Forgiving yourself is identifying the fault and quickly embracing the fact that God has already forgiven you and has no desire to get you back or make you pay for what you’ve done. Forgiving yourself flows from the forgiveness of God first. Forgiving yourself is a perspective change that allows you to see the opportunity for deeper intimacy with God through the sin.
When you know the grace of God, it’s less about disappointing God, and more about clamoring for intimacy again. Acknowledging your sin becomes a reason to celebrate! An opportunity to run back into his arms and feel him swing you around with joy because you’ve made it to the party he had set up for you before you even left.
Usually songwriters write more when times are hard, but it’s always been the opposite for me. Some of the greatest songs have been born out of pain and struggle, but I can never seem to finish any during my particular night seasons.
So here’s the first song I’ve finished in over nine months… or maybe this song really is a result of the breaking and I just now finally have something nice to say.
I sat down at the piano and these words and chords just kinda spilled out… enjoy
// CALLING ME BY MY REAL NAME
words and music by Chad Davis
you come and you wash my feet
you come embracing me
a sinner called by your name
you come and you wash my feet
you’re calling me, you call me by name
you come and you kiss my heart
you’ve given me a brand new start
a liar caught by your truth
you come and you kiss my heart
you’re calling me, you call me by name
and for the first time in a long time I feel loved
and for the first time in a long time I feel peace
for the first time in a long time I know joy
unspeakable joy
you’re calling me by my real name
I will never celebrate the death of an enemy. I will not dance like a fool at the so called “justice” of it. I mourn for the deaths both at his hands and ours. Maybe this is a sign that the Christ in me is greater than the fear that permeates our culture and world. - Aaron Yancey
It’s a dangerous thing when humans get an appetite for blood. I’m happy for the relief this will bring to the military families that have sacrificed so much, but I don’t want to ever be on the side yelling “Crucify Him!” My bloodlust is satisfied at the table of eucharist, and I am thankful for the mercy shown to me. I have not received the justice I deserve, thank God. - Amanda Martin
This is the culture I adhere and contribute to. This is the community I am proud to be a part of. Thank you Renovatus Church
Im taking donations to buy my sister an iPad2. She’s a full time missionary in Asia (due to security reasons, I cannot mention her name or locations here) and her computer just died of old age. She uses the computer to stay connected with friends and family here in the States, raise support, and uses it in her tutoring as she continues to learn the native language.
The iPad2 is $500 and would be exactly what she needs. Please contact me at cdavis30@mac.com with ideas or questions. You can donate here. Thank you so much!!
Incentive: everyone who donates will get a free copy of my album “letters from a stranger” due to release this Spring. www.thechaddavis.com
